Posting Was the Hardest Thing I Did Last Weekend
(How a Friend’s Leather jacket saved me from giving up on my business)
When My Husband Leaves, Two Versions of Me Show Up
Every time Rick travels without me, two parts of me show up:
One that longs for him,
And one that lights up because I become a captain of my time.
As soon as I kiss him goodbye at the airport and he wheels his luggage through the automatic doors, I start counting down the minutes until I get to pick him up again.
I wonder what he’s eating. I wait for him to call. I write texts and delete them. I think about what I can surprise him with when he gets home.
I wonder if this is what an amputee feels like.
But I’m also lit up. I get in the car and think:
“I’m free.”
It’s all me. I can do anything. Eat whatever I want (usually very little). I have all the time in the world to do… whatever I want.
Two Days, One Mission: Be Productive
Last week, both versions of me rode shotgun as I left Toronto Pearson Airport after dropping Rick and our eldest son off for an epic up-north birding weekend.
I had two peaceful days to do as I pleased. I just needed to decide where to start.
My process is almost always the same:
📝 Open journal → write the date → list everything I’ve:
been putting off
need to do
want to do
have been avoiding
And then I ask myself:
What ONE thing is constraining my work the most?
After some reflection, the answer was obvious:
I needed to post on Instagram.
Why This Post Mattered
A little background: I’ve had a public Instagram account for years, but I’ve been an intermittent poster at best.
Now that I’m a newly licensed lawyer building a new business (equal parts legal and business support), it needed a re-brand.
But I’d been avoiding this one task like an introvert dodging a chatty neighbour in the grocery store.
Why does posting one carousel feel like I’m letting people into my grimy bathroom, pitching Dragon’s Den, and staging a Vogue cover shoot all at once?
Day 1: Every Task But the One That Matters
I completed all the other tasks on my list.
I did not post on Instagram.
Day 2: Enter Chaos (and Canva)
By 8:30 a.m., I was determined.
Tea in hand. Full plan. Let’s goooooo.
“All you have to do is post one simple carousel, Sonya.”
By 9:00 a.m., I was deep in Google rabbit holes:
“what makes a good post…”
After declaring Google broken, I bought a $59 course promising step-by-step guidance. Templates included! (This is the $59 course I bought, in case you’re also trying to avoid doing actual work.)
At 11:15 a.m., I had learned… nothing new.
I wallowed in buyer’s remorse and made more tea.
Then I tried prompting AI for design help:
Please, wise old robot, tell me what to do.
Five minutes into my Chatcapade, I was convinced AI sucked and civilization was doomed.
By lunch, I had spent $59 avoiding a free post.
The Stadium of Inner Critics
The afternoon was a blur of Illustrator, Canva, and self-loathing.
Click by click, shortcut by shortcut, my inner critic got louder:
“You don’t know colour theory.”
”They’re going to find out you’re just starting”
”Be more professional”
As if summoned by group text, my invisible opponents filled the bleachers of my critical self-sabotaging stadium:
Section B, 11th-grade math teacher: “Who are you to post online?”
Section A, bully sports coach: “Too many fonts.”
Section F, family member: “What, you’re too good for us now?”
Nosebleeds, small-minded religious folk: “Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.”
I gave up.
This was a job for Fiverr. $100 to avoid embarrassment? Worth it.
Then Came the Doom Scroll
Before I hit ‘send’ on the Fiverr job posing, the inevitable happened.
I was doom-scrolling.
And then I saw something that changed everything.
A meme thread. Jennifer Aniston.
An objectively awkward magazine cover.
I laughed.
Then I thought.
Then, I felt inspired.
Because Jennifer Aniston’s career survived this cover. And more like it.
So did every celebrity in that thread. Public cringe. Yet they are all still standing.
False Beliefs I Let Go of, Thanks to Jennifer Aniston’s Jacket
For two full days, I was quietly operating under these assumptions:
Everything I post must be on-brand
Design must be perfect to be taken seriously
My clients care more about polish than substance
Cringe = failure
First impressions are everything
If it’s not done right, I should stop my business now
But I was wrong.
My procrastination wasn’t about fonts or colours. It was about the fear of being seen.
And here's when I flipped a switch.
My dreams are louder than my fears.
What I Did Instead
By 4:00 p.m., I opened Canva.
I made and scheduled three post designs.
Curious what I actually posted? Here’s the carousel.
I gave myself one mission:
Make them awkward.
Make them embarrassed.
Make them anyway.
I knew I might one day look back and think:
“Cringe.”
But then I would say:
“You’ve come a long way, baby.”
That’s my dream.
If I had to tattoo this lesson on my neck, it would say:
“Awkward is the price of admission to my best work.”
Side Effects of Posting Anyway
That wasn’t the end of the story.
Three days later, another design job crossed my desk.
I whipped it out. No stalling. No AI. No dread. Maybe they were awkward, but they were done.
Because any time my inner critic starts, Jennifer Aniston’s leather jacket smothers them into silence.
📄 Your Prescription: Post One Awkward Thing As Needed
Warning: May cause the following side effects:
Inviting people over when you haven’t swept the floor
Sending a DM to a lawyer you admire who has no idea you exist
Making potato salad with only half the ingredients the recipe calls for
Turning a botched sourdough loaf into “artisan focaccia” and serving it with confidence
writing a lengthy intimate Substack inviting people into your the stadium of your mind and posting it anyway
Talk to your inner critic to see if awkward posting is right for you.
Until next week,
May your awkward be someone else’s permission slip.
Sonya
Building something new and want it to be smart, legal, and less cringe? Here’s how I help.
Such real and raw revealing of what lives in all of our heads. Thanks for the encouragement to have the courage to step out and be seen!! Loved your carousel.